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Anxiety

We have all experienced it at one time or another at various degrees and in different seasons in our life.  Sometimes anxiety can be a motivator in helping to achieve a goal, to start and complete a project, to prevent a negative outcome or to learn new skill.  However, anxiety can become a debilitating fear that often sends individuals into a tailspin of emotions that can result into physical symptoms.

At different seasons of my life I’ve been anxious - a stressful job, planning an event, or embarking on a new season of life.  However, living with high or chronic anxiety is a different story.  It's something that is difficult for me to understand. 

In my feeble efforts to support people with chronic or high anxiety, I often throw around Bible verses such as Philippians chapter 4 verses 6-7 that says,

 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

While this is a very important verse, I’ve learned that instead of helping the anxious person, I only made the person feel worse because they weren't trusting God enough to take away their anxiety.  Ugh! 

In my effort to be a more effective support to people that I come into contact with high anxiety, I 'googled' how to support someone with anxiety.  Here's what I found:

 

"What to Say When Someone is having an Anxiety Attack?"

 

1. Understanding and listening, without judgment, is the first step to helping someone through an anxiety or panic attack.
2. "Your fears are understandable."
3. "I am here for you."
4. "What would you like me to do to help?"
5. "This too shall pass."
6. "What strategies best help you when you are feeling anxious?"
7. "We can get through this together."

 http://www.healthcentral.com/anxiety/c/1443/155313/anxiety-attack

 

Recently I was able to put this new found list into practice.  An acquaintance of mine was dealing with a major change in her job that required an enormous training process under extreme stressful conditions.  (Not many people would be capable of this type of stress - yours truly included!)  

Since quitting was not an option for this friend, I desperately wanted to be a support.  As the individual began sharing the stress and emotions that she was experiencing I pulled out my handy dandy list and started going through the phrases.  It was a bit awkward but she appreciated my efforts to be supportive.  After the third and separate conversation about her situation, it was much smoother.  I was able to use my new 7 simple phrases more efficiently, along with prayer! 

As we were parting ways, she thanked me for hearing her.  For the first time she felt heard and understood instead of feeling shamed for her anxiety.  WOW!  What a wake up call for me!  I never realized that I was someone who would unknowingly shame a person for how God made them! 

This exercise put life into a new perspective for me.  I wondered how many other people with high anxiety are afraid to share their true feelings out of fear of being shamed - with me being one of the chief ‘shamers’.   What about the people who deal with ADD or ADHD? Or have high energy or a mental illness?  What about the perfectionists in my life? Just because a person is different than I am, is that wrong?  Should everyone be like me?  NO!

It hit home, once again, that God makes all kinds of individuals in order to accomplish His plan.  I’m glad my acquaintance is a high anxiety person.  God tailor made her and gave her the perfect job for her personality.  I see how her anxiety helps her accomplish things that I would never be able to do! 

Is there anyone in your life who deals with anxiety or other issues?  Could you be like me and unintentionally shaming them for how God created them?  We all have flaws – some are just more visible than others.  What if we just try to understand, accept, and support each other’s flaws without trying to change or shame each other.

Here’s to all my peeps who manage life with high anxiety and to those who want to support them!

 

The Small Town Girl

 

Impromptu Promptings

“Mom, I don’t feel good.”

It’s not what I wanted to hear first thing in the morning.  As a parent, I knew what those words would mean - a day full of whining, possible vomiting, cleaning and laundry.

As I stumbled out of bed I called to the Kid, in my best soothing voice, “Coming.” I knew I would have to dig down deep into my soul to find my inner nurse.  I mean, DEEP down.  I had been in an ‘emotional funk’ for the past two weeks and with the Kid being sick, it would mess up my time to wallow in my private sulk.  This wasn’t how I wanted to start my day.

After two hours of stomach pain, moaning, and tummy relief remedies, the Kid felt better and wanted to go to school.  Yippee!  I could still have time to wallow today.

The Kid’s school is about 20 minutes away from our suburbia homestead in a historical town that I would often visit pre-Kid.  I had made such great memories in this town with Mr. Small Town and various friends.  Now, my life consists of shopping for groceries, making the dinner, straightening the house, and managing our family’s life.  A job that I LOVE with the two most important PEOPLE that I love, but something was missing.  Mr. Small Town could see it.  I could see it but I couldn’t put a name to it.

After dropping the Kid off at school, I felt a pull toward the downtown.  Maybe it was the Benjamin Moore sign that I had seen that reminded me of one of the ideas I had pinned on Pinterest, but for whatever the reason, I decided to go with my impulse.  I turned right and parked my vehicle to see what had changed since my last visit 10 years ago. 

I toured a seasonal shop where Easter delightfully popped out from every corner of the store!  Next I went to the chocolate/dessert bar which was formerly Mr. Small Town and my favorite restaurant.  One step in the door, the smell of dark chocolate welcomed me.  One of the workers reminisced with me about the building as she showed me the dessert bar menu.   On my way to the paint store, I made a detour into a clothing boutique.  To my surprise, I found the perfect pink coat that I had been searching for on-line only the day before.  When I made it to the paint store I showed the sales clerk the photo of the paint color I liked.  She quickly located the paint number and gave me a paint swatch.  It took less than five minutes.  Feeling hungry, I found my way to a Vegetarian/Mediterranean café.  Not only did I enjoy my lunch but I shared a table with an elderly woman who was also exploring the town.

After realizing that time was quickly passing, I made my way back to my car - only to find a parking ticket.  I had parked in a 2 hour space.  I hadn’t realized that 3 hours had gone by.  I was only going to the paint store.  Thankfully, the ticket did NOT come with a fine! 

As I was driving back to my little piece of suburbia, tears quickly formed in my eyes.  The tears weren’t like those tears I had been crying the days before.  These were tears of gratitude and joy.  It was then that it finally made sense about what I had been missing: an adventure.

God prompted that impulse that caused me to turn towards downtown.  He knew I would enjoy the seasonal shop full of decorations.  He knew I needed to reminisce about my former favorite place to eat.  He knew I wanted a pink coat.  He knew I would feel joy in finding that paint number and swatch.  He knew I needed to connect with new people.  He knew I needed an adventure even when I didn’t know what I needed.

God perfectly placed everything in my day to help me – a small town girl – who had been trying desperately to get out of her personal funk.  And it all happened when I decided to act on a prompting and make an impromptu turn. 

The Bible says, “Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more value than they?"   (Matthew 6:26) 

Have you ever been prompted to make a detour in your day?  You never know how God will meet your needs - even the needs you can't even identify or name.  If He makes sure that a small insignificant bird like a sparrow gets fed and has shelter every day, you can be assured that He knows what you need and will meet those needs.

 May blessings surround you today my friends!

 

The Small Town Girl

 

His Eye is on the Sparrow

Civilla D. Martin, writer/Charles H. Gabriel, composer

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,

Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,

When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,

I sing because I’m free,

For His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

 

Let not your heart be troubled, His tender word I hear, 

And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;

Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,

I sing because I’m free,

For His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

  

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,

When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,

I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,

I sing because I’m free,

For His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

  

 

 

 

 

Contribution

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Godly?!?

“You’re Godly mom.” 

 I was shocked to hear those words come from the Kid’s mouth, describing me. ME!  The one person who this kid has seen and experienced at her very worst … when I am definitely NOT portraying any qualities associated with God.  How could he NOW be proclaiming me, his mother, to be Godly?

The conversations leading up to his startling proclamation started 2 weeks earlier. He had gone to a friend’s house to play video games.  When he came back home he told me that his friend was playing a game where everyone was chasing a boy and trying to kill him.  He said that he didn’t feel right about playing it so he played another game on the Kindle that didn’t have any violence.  I told him that he made a good choice and that God would be pleased with his decision.  In my heart I did a happy dance!  Finally!  All the talking about not playing violent video games that Mr. Small Town and I had done was having an impact on him.

A few days later he was still curious about the game.  He wanted to know why everyone wanted to kill the boy in the video game.  I started asking him questions before it finally clicked!  I asked him if the video game was titled, “Terminator.”  “Yes!” he shouted, delighted that I knew about it. I explained the plot of the movie Terminator, which I have never seen in its entirety, and threw in my best impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger saying, “I’ll be back!” and “Hasta La Vista Baby.” 

On the afternoon of the proclamation, he was playing Minecraft.  He called me to come see what he was building.  It was a tower that he had seen on the Terminator video game.  He asked me if it looked like the tower from the movie.  Oh dear!  I had no idea! I confessed to him that I had never actually watched the entire movie but I knew the plot.  He asked me why I hadn’t seen the movie.  I told him that it was too violent for me and I didn’t like all the killing and destruction that was in the movie.  That’s when he said,

 

“That’s because you’re Godly Mom.  You want to fill your mind with stuff that God likes instead of all the violence in the movie.  That’s what it means to be Godly.”

How could I not be moved by his explanation?  This is the person I have spent the most time with for the past 11 years.  He knows the best part of me and the worst part of me. 

 

It doesn’t matter to him if I don’t walk around with a halo over my head chanting scripture or that I never lose my temper.  He just knows that I want to put things into my mind and soul that are pleasing to God.  He knows that in my heart I want to focus more on God and laying up eternal treasures.  He knows that I want to point him and others towards God.  And he knows – that is what it means to be Godly.

 

What do people notice in you?  Even those who know you the most?  What would they say about you?  What and who are you pointing others towards?  You might be surprised, like I was, with their responses.

 

 

“…pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.”  2 Timothy 6:11 (The Bible)

 

 

 

The Small Town Girl

 

Honesty

I was backing out of my parking space when I heard the bump.  Ugh!  I hit the back of the car parked opposite me in the aisle. Normally I would have had enough room to back out but the lot wasn't snow plowed very well which meant there was less space in the aisle.  Just thinking about how careless I had been and knowing I had to face my husband with the news that I scraped a car, I was tempted to just drive away like it never happened.  It was just a light bump so I'm sure it didn't do much damage.  However, I knew what I had to do.  I circled back around, got out, and inspected for damage.  There was a tiny scrape.  Surely, the driver of the other car would never notice a tiny scrape underneath all the winter dirt.  But, I took a photo of the damage and went to look for the owner.

After searching several businesses within the strip mall, I finally found her getting a pedicure at the nail shop.  Of course, she thought the worst after I told her I hit her car.  I apologized and showed her the photo of the damage.  At this point of the conversation, the nail technician, a Vietnamese woman, became involved and wanted to see the photo.  She exclaimed, "That's nothing!  You honest person!  Last week someone hit my door and it caved in.  They did not leave a note or anything.  You honest person!!" 

I gave the women my insurance information and, as I left the nail salon, I could still hear the nail technician telling her and the rest of the salon patrons, "She honest person!" 

At dinner that evening I asked Mr. Small Town and the kid if they wanted to hear about my day.  (I ask this question just about every evening at dinner because the guys are too busy eating to make conversation.)  To my amazement, the Kid said yes, in between inhalations of his food.

I told them about the incident, adding the voice of the Vietnamese woman exclaiming how honest I was.  That's when the Kid spoke up and said, "Good job Mom". 

Not really thinking about his comment, we finished dinner and headed into our evening routines.

The next day, Mr. Small Town called me.  To my surprise, he thanked me and told me how much he appreciated me telling the story at dinner.  Instead of giving a lecture about my carelessness and how I would have to deal with the insurance companies, he explained the look and reaction on the Kid's face as I told the story. 

He told me that the Kid was hanging on every word that I was saying and the look of admiration the Kid had when he said, "Good job mom".   

In my admission of the incident and my actions to it, the character of honesty was built MORE into the Kid than I realized.  To me, it was just dinner conversation about my day.  To the Kid, it was a lesson in honesty.  He could relate to my temptation to drive away and my struggle to do "the right thing."  And, he saw that I chose to do "the right thing".
 

I often forget how much my Kid is watching me and wondering if I 'walk the walk' that I talk.  I don't know how many times I've talked with him about honesty.  But all the talk really hasn't made much of a difference.  It was when he saw my experience at being honest that impressed him. He could relate to my temptation of being dishonest, the reasons why I didn't want to be honest, and then overcoming the temptation.

What I've realized is that it's not the character building programs at school, the consequences at home, or the lessons at church that teaches my Kid about taking on the character of Christ, it's me - his imperfect, flawed mother - that has the greatest impact on his life.  And, this time, I got it right.

What have you been doing to live out your life to be more like Christ?  You never know who will be watching and learning from you! 

 

Living out the fruit of the spirit for my little disciple!  (Galatians 5:22)

 

The Small Town Girl

 

 

 

P.S.  The woman’s husband saw the damage and said there was no need to fix it.  He too was amazed that I had been honest about such a little scrape!